CLAP!

We have some older tapes of Liam, but we could not find the 8mm video camera we took them on - the only way to play them back.  Recently we were able to borrow one and I tried to connect it to the TV yesterday.  But none of the cables I tried worked. My patience was running out and I was just ready to give up when I found one more cable.  I hooked it up, hit play and.....

"CLAP!" .....and a huge smile and a stinky giggle, were the first pictures and sound I saw and heard.  And all of the sudden Liam came alive again. 

In this clip Liam was sitting at her reading tutor.  She just accomplished a little task he asked from her and she was working the crowd, the little rat. 
Tutor (teasing her):  Liam, do one more and then you can have a carrot.
Liam (getting the joke and right back at him):  ohhhh, I thought there's candy...
.......
.......
Tutor:  One more word problem and the we'll do math.
9 years old Liam:  ohhhh (as if she's in high school and hates algebra)

All caught on tape!  We laughed - and wiped a small tear that made its way somehow to the corner of the eye.  You can just sense her special personality via the picture.

It's so good to see her laughing, talking, interacting.  This is so much more than she did in the last 2-3 years of her life - especially the very last one.  With all that happened in our life since Liam's 2006 difficult surgery - the one she never returned to being herself after - we forgot how lively she was.  Yesterday we saw her walking (WALKING!!!!) in her walker, driving her wheelchair, riding horses...and much much more.  Her speech was so much better too.  She talked in full sentences, asked questions, made eye contact.  Bunch of old tapes, WHAT A GIFT!

Another clip

The Buffalo Theory

Remember I said I don't like theories (about our existence)?  But I'm very interested in theories about our evolution.  Here's my favorite.  Just a little middle of the week treat.

Random, annoying thoughts

Contemporary Slavery
The Jewish story of the exodus from Egypt (you know, Pharaoh, Moses, Charlton Heston....) main scheme is how the Hebrews freed themselves from slavery. One of the most famous songs of the Passover night is "We were slaves" (and now we're free, etc.)  Let's leave the discussion if this is a historical truth or not for another occasion.  Today, since I can't wait for Passover, I'll ask the question:  (Assuming we were indeed enslaved) Are we really not enslaved any more?  And just to clarify, by "we" I mean the human race, not just the Jews.  And just to clarify a little more, this discussion has nothing to do with neither religion nor the old testament.  It has, however, everything to do with slavery.  Self inflicted slavery:

• We carry cell phones at all times.  We make ourselves available to anybody at any time (during driving too, DUH!).  We keep checking it all the time as if the world is coming to an end.
• We jump to every ring, every chat, every tweet.  (Why do we do that?  Why people can call us whenever THEY want?  When it's not the ring of a phone, do we let people interrupt what we do?  Why are we allowing ourselves to be enslaved by a phone ring?)  We're all little Pavlov dogs, aren't we?
  
• We're enslaving ourselves to drinks and cigarettes and drugs and...well, anything that WE THINK will make us feel good.
• Some of us spend more time at work as if we're married to it.

These are just a few examples from our daily lives.  The list is long, but you get the idea.  We're enslaving ourselves to these and many more - out of our own will.  And we're forgetting ourselves.  We forget how to set ourselves free again, don't we?  And we completely forgot how to to be enslaved in the first place. 


Condoms
And almost on the same subject:  Why are we keep walking into a brick wall?  Why are we:

• Eating so unhealthy as to harm ourselves, only to realize years later what we did to our bodies  and try to "correct" it with medication?  Wouldn't make more sense to eat healthier to begin with?
• Similarly, abusing our bodies with inappropriate (not to say dangerous and stupid) activities, break our own backs and knees, only to start taking care of ourselves AFTER the body is already injured?  Wouldn't it make more sense to start yoga and gentle exercise in a younger age?  Wouldn't it make sense to take care of our body rather than abuse it? 
  
• Going out to wars, kill, get killed - only to come to an agreement after much hostility?  Wouldn't it make more sense to talk it out in the first place?  (I know, I know:  what if we tried to talk and it didn't work?  Ah, of course: let's kill them all.)
• Getting sick - since we live so unhealthy - and then take medication to try and make things better?  Wouldn't it make more sense to strengthen the immune system to begin with?
• Putting ourselves through all the possible stress in the world?  Wouldn't it make more sense....complete on your own...
• Going into debt just to work the rest of our life to get out of?  Wouldn't it make more sense....complete on your own...
• Pollute the world and then try to clean it up?  Wouldn't it make more sense....complete on your own...

The list is long.  Again, you get the idea.  We, humans, are doing so many things that, looking back at them, make absolutely no sense.  And then we try to change things and sometimes, I mean more often than not, it's too late to roll the wheel back.  The damage was done.  And the incredible thing is that we don't learn from our experience.  We keep walking into the brick wall.

Isn't it so?  When we're young, we think we know better, nah?  We eat, we drink, we party.  It'll be ok, we say, we know what we're doing.  You live only once.  You've gotta enjoy every minute of it.  Whatever happens happens.  Off course, we don't have the slightest clue what we say at the time.  Suddenly we wake up at age 40-50-60 with high cholesterol and a bad back and a beer belly.  And suddenly this sentence, you live only once, looks too remote, not applicable.  Now we have a family that we love.  We're not prepared (I mean, careless) to leave this world like we were when we were young.  In the best case scenario we "wake up" from our childish illusions an try to take care of ourselves.  But it is often too late.  Or at least we convince ourselves it's too late.  (Because really, I don't think it's EVER too late.  With enough will power one we can change our lives at any age.)

It's true that sometimes we don't have a choice.  Sometime a certain illness if falling on us or we get into financial difficulties - none of which is in our control.  (And sometimes your child is born with severe disabilities.) I'm not talking about such cases.  Only on these cases that we neglect to prevent in the first place.
So you can relax.  This paragraph is not really about condoms.  Sorry for the disappointment.  No juicy, sexy stuff here. This is a mostly PG rated blog, with occasional spikes to PG-17.5.   I just used it as a metaphor for many of the things in life we should [maybe] try to prevent and we don't.

I know:  I sound like a cheap preacher.  Oh well, I'm a lousy author.  But down below the used and beat-down words lies the truth.  Each one of us knows his/her own little truth.  And really, I'm not here to preach.  As far as I'm concern feel free to send your life straight down the drain.  Feel free to eat unhealthy and talk while driving and stress yourself out.  I'm ok with that.  No need to change anything, really.  Disregard everything you read.  Sorry for the waste of time.

Something's missing

The day before Halloween was my birthday - the first one without Liam.  Most people build "grave yards" and hang skeletons in their front yard.  We went for the real thing.  We sat on a blanket next to her grave, read Frog & Toad to her, took out a few tissues, and made them wet.  As expected, no skeletons came out, but I could hear her lough to my "Toad voice".

Today is Halloween - one of Liam's favorite evenings of the year.  People are outside on the porch.  The atmosphere is halloween-ish, as expected.  I'm looking at the picture of Liam smiling at me.  And I'm sad.  I'm just sad.


An Imaginary Conversation
"So Asher, got any plans for the weekend?"
Oh I don't know.  Maybe rake the leaves, ride my bike.  Visit Liam's grave.  Watch football, drink beer.  But the last two are unlikely  to be absorbed.  The "grave" bomb killed the imaginary conversation.  (Of course, when I'm being asked this question for real, I don't mention the grave.  I'm swallowing it - even though it's floating on my tongue.)