Sisters

Ever since we returned from the hospital and started the hospice, Liam magically became "good".  While she was masked with the oxygen machine, she did not desat (i.e., her level of oxygenation stayed normal) - strange.  She did not have any infections.  Everything looked so peaceful, perfect.  That was a deceiving picture.  Liam's body was in a bad shape internally.  It was just a matter of weeks/days/hours/who-knows and we decided to end it pleasantly (sorry for that terribly misused word) at home.

Wed, Thu, & Fri (Sept 1-3) nothing was moving.  Liam continued to be very comfortable.  We didn't run out of patience, but at the same time we saw no reason to prolong it - especially since Liam was non-responsive and the decision was made (to let her go).  So on Friday, September 3rd, at 8 PM, we pulled Liam's oxygen mask off and replaced it with the nose-thingy - the way Liam was getting oxygen for several years now - low oxygen flow into the nose.  The difference is that the mask forces oxygen into the body whereas the nose-thingy just encourages breathing and adds moisture (but it won't breathe for you).

Before we made the switch we explained to Meitav what we are doing and what to expect.  Naturally, there were a lot of emotions in the room.  When we made the switch we expected a big drama.  We surrounded ourselves with a few supportive people.  But in reality, nothing happened.  Liam continued to breathe just the same.  What DID change was that now we could see her entire face (for the first time in two weeks); and we could hear her heavy, moist, difficult breathing.  Meitav laid next to her, hugging her, petting her.  And this is how she fell asleep - hugging her dying sister.

Liam breathed fine all night long and into Saturday, Sept 4th.  In late afternoon things changed.  her breathing became slower with more and longer breaks in between difficult intakes.  We and Mr. Morphine just made sure she is comfortable.  it was not easy to watch.  We asked Meitav several times if she wants to go to the other room, but she kept declining.  She hugged her sister and cried, and said goodbye, and petted her, and.....

At 6:40 PM, Saturday, September 4th, 2010, Liam passed away. 
I apologize to the reader, but it seems that my words are failing to describe the moment.  Meitav's love and courage to stay with her sister throughout this difficult, unnatural, impossible minutes - well, I'm not even sure how to complete this sentence....  (dam)

There are many adults who will never experience in a life time what Meitav already knows - and feels.  She's a smart, sensitive, courageous, generous and considerate girl.  She gave a lot to her sister - and received a lot, like the rest of us.  While this is an unfortunate situation, she made the best out of it.  


Meitav didn't prepare any written material for the funeral.  But after a few speakers she got up and spoke spontaneously.  I can't remember everything she said, but I do remember the punch line: "Liam was not a special need child.  Liam was special."  Well Meitav, I think you're special too. I'm so proud of my girls. Oh, the hell with proud.  I'm simply addicted to them.